


burnin' through the sky

by cosmicocean



Series: the world, i'll turn it inside out [4]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016), Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Pre-Slash, and it felt right to put it in here, aziraphale's actually barely in it, but they're pre-slash in the previous stories, the pre slash is very very very VERY light, todd/dirk is not explicitly in this fic but it does exist in this universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25702924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: Crowley has two numbers in his phone. He has Aziraphale and he has Human, and he curses on seeing which one it is. He picks up the phone, intending to say “I’m busy” and hoping that being an asshole will be enough to put him off so he doesn’t have to say anything about what he’s up to right now.“What,” Dirk snaps down the phone before he gets the chance. “The fuck, Crowley?”“What?” Crowley asks, because as very cool and suave and not panicky he is, he’s also at the moment not great at thinking on his feet.Set between "a little wiser, a little better" and "don't hear the bell but you answer the call". Dirk calls Crowley at the end of the world.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: the world, i'll turn it inside out [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1479449
Comments: 6
Kudos: 98





	burnin' through the sky

Crowley, as a rule, does not panic. He’s spent centuries building an image, and that image does not allow for panic. He is suave and he is cool and _he does not panic_. Even when he _feels_ like panicking, he handles it in an extremely suave, extremely cool way.

Right now, Crowley _extremely_ feels like panicking, which is _terrible_ , not the least of which because he’s finally killed Ligur, something he’s dreamed of since he’s known him, and this should be an outstanding day. He should be very very happy, and the universe has taken that away from him. He should be allowed to smite things as a rule.

The Bentley is whizzing along the London streets as he races towards the bookshop. Aziraphale will have to let him in. He must _want_ to let him in. He _called_ him, didn’t he? He wouldn’t call him if he wouldn’t let him in.

Crowley won’t be on his own. Crowley can’t be on his own.

“Pick _up_ ,” he yells at his phone. “Pick _up,_ pick _up,_ pick _up!_ ”

Aziraphale doesn’t pick up. Crowley throws the phone on the dash, yells inarticulately, and hits the steering wheel, but just once. The Bentley didn’t do anything to deserve him slapping her steering wheel. The phone rings and he grapples for it, looking at the screen.

Crowley has two numbers in his phone. He has _Aziraphale_ and he has _Human_ , and he curses on seeing which one it is. He picks up the phone, intending to say “I’m _busy_ ” and hoping that being an asshole will be enough to put him off so he doesn’t have to say anything about what he’s up to right now.

“What,” Dirk snaps down the phone before he gets the chance. “The _fuck_ , Crowley?”

“What?” Crowley asks, because as very cool and suave and not panicky he is, he’s also at the moment not great at thinking on his feet.

“Don’t _what_ me.” Dirk, it sounds like, is also feeling the urge to panic, except he is following through on it, where Crowley is not. “What is going on? What is _happening?_ ”

“Oh, you know.” Crowley keeps an eye on the sidewalks, trying to see if Aziraphale is out for a walk. It wouldn’t be the oddest time he’d chose to go for a walk, even if it might be up there. “Standard life things.”

“There is a _Kraken,_ ” Dirk yells, a little shrilly. “In the _sea!_ ”

“Well, it _lives_ there, what do you want it to do, pack up and move?”

“Was it there _before?_ ”

“How should I know? What, do I look like some, some great big bloody ancient octopus expert?”

“ _Crowley_.” Crowley can practically hear him gesturing over the phone. “Something is _wrong_. I can _feel_ it. The fabric of the universe is, is _unraveling_ , it’s in my _bones_ , I just- _Crowley._ ” Dirk’s voice cracks on his name the final time he says it, and Crowley wants to curse. He wishes he’d posted up in a cave somewhere for millennia. He wishes he’d never gone to hang out with Eve and complain about Adam when he was pissing her off under the guise of sowing dissent. He wishes he’d never gone and found Dirk lying in that gutter, looking like he had after the Fall. He wishes he’d never listened to a record for the first time, wishes he’d never laid eyes on the Bentley, wishes he’d never grown his first plant, and more than anything he wishes he’d never, ever, _ever_ asked Aziraphale what had happened to his flaming sword.

“Yeah, alright,” he says. “There’s a bit of a thing. But it’s really just a bit of a thing, not even really worth mentioning. Nothing worth getting all upset all about.”

“ _Crowley_ ,” Dirk says, and Crowley wishes he hadn’t picked up that tone from Aziraphale, that vaguely reproachful one where he knows that he’s being lied to.

“It’s _not_. We’ve got it handled, alright? There’s a plan.”

“Then what is it? What is this magnificent plan?”

Damn, he was hoping he wouldn’t ask him that. “I can’t tell you.”

“So you _don’t_ have a plan.” Dirk’s voice rises. “You _don’t_ -“

“Of _course_ I have a plan, I just can’t _tell_ you, it’d burn out your mind, alright, it’s extremely top secret Heaven and Hell things, so lay off, there’s a plan.”

“I want to help, let me-“

“ _No._ ” There’s no time for him to get here, even if Crowley wanted him anywhere near this, and G- _somebody_ knows he certainly doesn’t want him in the air. “No, stay where you are, there’s nothing you can do. The angel and I have it covered, I just have to go get him-“

“You’re not _with_ him?” Dirk’s voice gets a little shrill again.

“We had to split up, it was necessary for planlike reasons. It’s going to be _fine._ We’re going to fix it.”

“How do you fix the _end_ of the _world_?”

“It’s _not_ the end of the world, and I can’t tell you, but trust me, it’s very good, there’s lots of… panache, and even if, even if it goes arse over teakettle here, there’s a contingency plan, alright, there’s somewhere we can go that’ll be okay.”

“Go _where?_ ”

“Somewhere safe.” Dirk would like Alpha Centuri, Crowley thinks, he’d like the colors. And the trees. Does Dirk like trees? He’ll learn to like trees.

“I can’t…” Dirk’s voice gets very small. “There’s people… I can’t leave them behind.”

He can, if Crowley has to throw him in the trunk. “We’ll talk about it later.”

Dirk’s quiet for a second, and Crowley knows he doesn’t believe him for a minute, but hopes that wanting to believe him will be enough.

“I should…” Dirk clears his throat. “There’s someone I should be with. For this. If it does indeed go… arse over teakettle. Someone I want to be with in case.” He takes a shaky breath and whispers “I want to tell you everything”, and Crowley can hear the _in case I don’t get the chance_ implied.

“You can tell Aziraphale all about it later,” Crowley says, instead of anything else. “He feels the incessant need to give me the rundown on your life anyway, it’s practically the same thing.”

“Okay. Okay. Please…” His voice cracks on the whisper again. “Please be careful.”

“Course I’m careful. My middle name’s careful. Anthony Careful Crowley.”

Dirk laughs wetly. “Your middle name begins with a J.”

“Careful starts with a J, it’s just that the J is silent.”

“I don’t believe you.” Dirk takes a deep breath. “Be careful,” he says again, and then hangs up.

Crowley grips the phone so tight he thinks he might break it, and then dials Aziraphale again.

After, but not too much after, Crowley fiddles with his phone as he waits for Aziraphale to come out of the bookstore. He can’t believe he’s called Dirk back right after he’d gotten a moment alone after seeing the message. Or invited him back to London. Or told him that he _liked_ him and that he’d like to _see_ him, more or less. It’s been an extremely confusing week but this has to be the most _embarrassing_ part of it. At least he’d gotten a little mileage out of the whole Todd thing. That’s a good card to have up his sleeve. Maybe if he makes fun of him enough for having emotions it’ll make up for the fact he’s just had them all over the place.

Aziraphale steps out of the shop, beaming.

“Everything is just so,” he says contentedly. “Some adventure books, but, well, that’s alright, I suppose I can put up with them. I was _so_ concerned about the Chaucers, you know, I’m really very fond of them, he’d signed them for me and everything.”

Crowley suppresses the urge to smile at him fondly. “You didn’t _like_ Chaucer, angel. You said he was a little too rude.”

“Well, yes, he was, but he’s an important _milestone_ , you see, I couldn’t _not_ have them. It’s not every day you find a new copy of Canterbury Tales personally autographed to you, you know, even if he was perhaps a little curt with it, you two always got along better than I did.”

“He told a good joke.”

Aziraphale peers at his phone. “Why do you have that out?”

“Oh.” Crowley slides it back into his pocket. “Call from the human. Just checking in. Says hello and hopes you’re alright and he’ll call you later and whatnot. I told him to buzz off.”

“ _Really._ ” Aziraphale’s tone gets all disapproving. “That’s not very polite at _all_ , you know, he’s a good-“ he pauses, his forehead creasing in concern. “Wait, dear boy, did Dirk feel it-“

“Come on, angel,” Crowley interrupts, sure that Dirk will tell him all about it later but not really wanting to let the specter of it intrude now. “Let’s go and get our lunch, I’m starving. You can tell me all about the look on ol’ Beelz’s face when you didn’t dissolve, I’ve always wanted to know what it’d be like to one up zir.”

Aziraphale, for now, drops it, and as they walk to the car, Crowley thinks he can’t be blamed if he walks a little closer than normal.

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise! This series is back.
> 
> I couldn't sleep around three am last night, got bored, reread the other stories in this series, and decided to make another one. I'm also working on the sequel where Todd meets Aziraphale and Crowley, but that may take a while yet.
> 
> -I don’t know if Crowley actually believes that about himself that he doesn’t panic, but he sure is telling it to himself real hard right now
> 
> -Crowley experiences one (1) emotion about Dirk’s voice cracking and immediately regrets forming any attachments ever
> 
> -you can tell Crowley is bad at planmaking because he thinks panache is a necessary part of it
> 
> -yes I do absolutely headcanon that Crowley fully intended to drive through space to get to Alpha Century
> 
> -there was no room to put it in here, but in “don’t hear the bell but you answer the call” it’s referenced that Dirk is looking up at the sky, and I like to think that there was some crazy apocalypse shit happening in the sky and that Dirk and Todd were looking up at it together and holding hands at the end of the world
> 
> [Every once in a while one of my fics gets a bunch of comments in a cluster from different users, and I’m pretty sure at this point it’s because it’s been recced. Which is exciting! But I’d love to see it when it happens, so here’s a link to my tumblr! Feel free to tag me!](https://cosmicoceanfic.tumblr.com/)


End file.
